I want to wake up and want. I want to wake up and want something outrageous. Writing things down makes them more likely to come true. Who said that? I think I heard it on CBC or something but it doesn’t matter when I heard it I wrote it down. And when I wrote it down, it became true so it doesn’t matter where I heard it.
“Writing helps me take possession of my experience, helps me own it.”
To be honest I actually don’t remember who said that either. I found it on the back of a pay stub I found when I was cleaning out my white wicker chest.
Outrageous wants. Write it down, read it. Acknowledge it and see how outrageous it sounds. Read how outrageous it sounds. Feel how outrageous it sounds. Chances are, as soon as you read it out loud, feel it out loud it sounds a lot less outrageous. Because every time we speak, we do it on an exhale. Every time we exhale, we let something go. We let a part of ourselves go. Who knows where it will go?
WAKE UP AND WANT (Romantic Version)
I want to make you coffee.
I want to wake you up with the grinder and I want to bring it to you when you’re still half asleep. I want it to be coffee but it’s actually a delicate blend of yerbe matte because coffee makes my tummy hurt and I want you to know that. I still want there to be a grinder involved. I want to pick up the latest edition of Yoga Journal and when I come to you with two cups in hand I want you to pull it out from under my armpit and tell me the best Yoga Articles are warm and stinky.
I want you to read.
I want you to read to me.
I want you to read me books, articles, recipes, horoscopes, cleaning product labels, poems. I just want you to read. To me.
I want to make dinner for you. I want to cook you vegan meals and I want you to be impressed with all the interesting ingredients I found at the market that day.
I want to surprise you in the shower. I want to scrub your body down and reach the places you can reach just as much as the places you can’t reach because I want you to know you don’t always have to do it all yourself, even if you can.
I want you to never use my toothbrush.
I want to lay you down after a hard days work and rub you, massage you. I want you to be dirty and stinky and what if I licked your armpits, what if I made love to all of it.
I want to cry in your arms.
I want you to play with my hair. I want you to play with it even when it’s greasy and be impressed with how I managed to wash it only twice a week, even with all the hot yoga.
I want that shelf under my breasts to be there not just when I gain a few pounds. I want you to rest your head there.
I want to feel comfortable being as natural as possible. I want you to love me for who I am in my entirety. I want you to worship every hair on my body, especially the ones on my belly and even more especially the ones on my toes.
I want you to never forget my toes.
I want to never forget your toes.
I want to never forget
I want your toes,
Because then I will have all of you.
Feel it fully. Write it down. Read it out loud. On an exhale, let it go. Fully. Don’t worry, you can come back to it later, you will come back to it later.
Because you wrote it down.